Do you ever feel like you just have to say something?
That is me right now.
So many things seem not to be going right at the moment. That wonderful site we had, the quest site is now gone. The person left the realm and is selling the land. Now i wonder if i should bother looking for such a site. I doubt i will find such a great deal again.
Also it seems some of the magic has gone out of the realm with the departure of my Everwind friends, Alphonsus and Wren. Perhaps i might see them from time to time but i doubt that role-playing in second life will ever be the same.
The last thing was in the form of a realization of sorts though perhaps a bit hard to say exactly. I do enjoy the role of Regent of Dragons, even though i never asked for the part. But i do find that i am less in character and most of my interactions are actually out of character except for the small talk.. greetings and such.. Beyond that i am not role-playing anymore.
I wonder if that is what happens to everyone who becomes a leader? My character is definitely not growing.. and at times i even find myself avoiding role-play. I don't really know what thats about.
And i wonder, should i be taking this so seriously? Does anyone really care? For that matter does anyone even read this anymore?
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Anyway i guess things must go on.. i should go ahead and start the dragon quests anyway even if i don't have as many items as i want... and i have no idea where i will put the 200 prim object. *sighs* That was to go on the quest site. Though very beautiful perhaps it will never be used now.
I need to also just promote people. I really wanted to have the quests set up and in place for that so they will have a chance to do the quests before taking any leadership roles. But considering all the real life pressures i am having to stay out of world perhaps its time to give the responsibility away, regardless of the experience. I just don't know anymore.. I wanted things to be just right but at the rate things are going, at the moment it feels like they never will be.
Maybe its time to start investigating and actually role-playing in other realms. I did have the opportunity to do that tonight and i passed it up.
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6 comments:
Rather than try to come up with something that says the same thing in a different way, I hope that you will not mind if I just recycle what I wrote in Wren's blog, because it is equally relevant here:
Welcome to what I think I will call "Rezz Day Burnout" because it is occurring frequently enough to people I know that I feel it has earned its name. I wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you. I cannot even summarize what I myself have learned, because it is too painful and raw. People come and go. That we know from RL. But what is hard to get used to is how quickly PLACES come and go. Land is bought and sold, leadership changes, and suddenly entire buildings and communities are gone. It doesn't happen like that in RL, so it is not something that is easy to get used to in SL.
We seek to create, and because of our intelligence and abilities, soon find ourselves administrating and leading instead of creating. At first it is fun and exciting, but then around the one year mark, you look around and realize that you are so busy administrating that you are no longer creating or writing. Or that you have neglected friendships. And you realize you are bitterly unhappy, but can't define why, or what to do about it.
Maybe this applies to you, maybe it doesn't. But it is a few words to give you something to consider.
And you are always welcome wherever Alphonsus and I are; do not forget that.
Happy Trails,
Princess Ivory
I read your blog Mal, every few days, I just don't always have something to say.
Princess seems to have hit the nail on the head with this one, certainly for me anyway.
I remember when we first met Malakyte, all that time ago in the green places of Everwind, although of course you were known by a different name then.
New acolytes that we were, finding our feet, slightly shy and very keen.
It seems worlds away from the administration , meetings and planning we ended up with.
I think we joked as the jobs began to appear, that we had escaped our busy lives by creating 'busy second lives'.
Perhaps we have burned out, or perhaps we have to learn how to 'be' in this temporal world so similar and yet so different from our solid one.
Perhaps we have to be more flexible, more shifting, more willing to let go than we are normally?
I wish I knew the answers Malakyte, I wish I could help you make your choices, but ultimately you have to do what you think is right for you.
I am quietly listening to you still, and willing to add a voice if needed. I will always be ready to do so, here or in there.
Love
Wren
Hi Mal. I read your site too! And now I can post... unless you think I'm a spammer as well...
One of the nicest calls I got recently was from Benjamin.. to say.. 'how are you?' and 'are you burned out, same as the others are getting'.
I answered, 'no no.. all good'. Truth is, I know how you are feeling too. Maybe we should organise an ex everwind ooc get together in the Tavern at Carmarthen for a good old laugh?
You know you always have family where I am Mala. I too am walking the highwire :) We can put on the tags that say No OOC 4 Me! again ;0 .. take care. lets catch up when next in world *hugs*
Thank you everyone and sorry i didnt get back to reply to this in a timely manner. I think Princess Ivory, you post is very relevant...
One has to get used to the fast pace and brevity here. But i am far from being burned out. I am just getting into building and it is more addictive than anything else!
I am getting through the administrative blues too. The most important part of that is to delegate, to share some of the responsibility.. some of the fun of planning with others. Its surprising how many want to help if only you ask. It gives them a part.. a chance to contribute.
Thank you very much for your posts and your welcomes. It means a lot to me.
Hehehe and maybe we should have some sort of Everwind reunion. I would like that!
I keep thinking of a saying, "with great responsibility comes great sacrifice" or something to that effect. I am not sure if i believe it or not. I know in my time in Triskele I gave a lot, and in the end, all I found was one notecard after another, another report, another issue. One morning I was still hovering, as sl hadn't bother to let me even drop on my logging in that morning. 3 some odd hours later I was still hovering and working through all the offlines.
I guess there is a part of use that knows we can make a difference, we want to help and do something special, but at what cost? We are here to have fun and enjoy ourselves, and I think that as much as you put in Mal, and I know you work so very hard, that you have to put the notecards away and have some time to yourself.
If its all going to be work and no play, how come we aren't getting paid for it all?
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